


Fifteen Hours

by LtLJ



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Character of Color, Episode Related, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-17
Updated: 2006-02-17
Packaged: 2017-10-02 14:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtLJ/pseuds/LtLJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hell was being trapped in a small spaceship with people who wanted to play word games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifteen Hours

**Hour 1**

  
Rodney gritted his teeth. "Stop. It."

From the jumper's co-pilot seat, Sheppard said, "I'm just sitting here."

Rodney huffed in annoyance. They were going back to the stupid planet, the one the Wraith supply ship had crashed on ten thousand years ago, because trauma to Rodney's psyche notwithstanding, the ship was still there and it did have technology they could use. This time they had Ford and Teyla with them, and two Marines. Dr. Simpson and Dr. Kusanagi had also come along, because they had killed off a disproportionate number of male scientists and it was time to even things out. He said through gritted teeth, "No, you're not. You're staring at me. I can feel your eyes boring into the side of my skull with that 'he's soiling my baby with his sweaty hands' look."

"No, this is the 'if he doesn't pay attention to what the jumper is doing instead of what I'm doing, he's going to crash and we're going to die' look."

Rodney threw a glare at him. They were in space, there was nothing to crash into. So far.

  
**Hour 2**

  
"What's the best day we've had here?" Ford said, twisted around in the jumpseat so he could talk to the others in the back.

Rodney made a mental note to access the personnel files when they got back and change Ford's first name from Aiden to Pollyanna. He said, "This is not some freakish fifties sitcom, Lieutenant. They're adults, they don't need a sing-along or Burma Shave signs to occupy their tiny minds."

Everybody ignored him. Simpson, the dirty traitor, said loudly, "I think it was the day we found the observation decks in the south pier."

"That wave tank you guys found down there," Benson, the Marine, said. "That place is incredible."

Miko said slowly, "The fourth day, after we settled in, I went to the gateroom in the morning and the sun was coming through the windows, and I thought, 'we are really here, this is happening.'"

"Yes," Teyla said, with a smile in her voice. "The day that we discovered the jumper bay had outside doors, and we could fly out and see the city from a distance."

"Yeah," Ford added enthusiastically. "And we flew around the planet and found the mainland."

Rodney rolled his eyes, and had to say, "Oh come on, the day Atlantis rose from the sea and we all failed to drown horribly doesn't occur to any of you?"

"Some of us were not there, Dr. McKay," Teyla reminded him.

He twisted around, craning his neck to see her. "We've got video. Haven't you seen that?"

"It's hardly the same," Simpson protested.

Then Sheppard said, "The day Dr. Kinsey got the Ancient laundry machines to work."

Rodney stared at him. "What?"

But Ford winced and settled back in his seat. "Oh, yeah. I remember that."

Then Rodney got it. The Hiveship. The people who went to the Hiveship, rescued and rescuers, must have had the charnel house stink of it in their clothes. The Wraith supply ship hadn't been as bad, the death odors stripped away by the dry desert air. But the hiveship they had gone to on the ill-fated joint mission with the Genii.... When Rodney had gotten back he had taken a two-hour shower and considered throwing his uniform off the nearest balcony, then jumping after it.

"The day Dr. Zelenka discovered that the jumpers had toilets," Miko said brightly. There was a murmur of fervent agreement from the back, and the conversation moved on.

  
**Hour 4**

  
Hell was being trapped in a small spaceship with people who wanted to play word games.

Benson said, "Is this person a scientist?"

Miko grinned. "No."

"Frank Sinatra," Sheppard said. Of course, Sheppard was playing too because when he wasn't being a ruthless killer, he was just that big a dork.

"Major, that was not even close to the clue," Miko told him patiently.

Rodney contemplated screaming. At least the stupid crossword puzzles Simpson had brought along were quiet. If he handed over the controls to Sheppard, borrowed his sunglasses and Miko's earplugs, perhaps he could construct a primitive sensory deprivation chamber--

Ford asked, "Is it someone on Atlantis?"

Rodney grimaced. "Of course it's someone on Atlantis, otherwise Teyla can't play--" He turned to Sheppard. "God, I'm actually participating! Please shoot me."

Sheppard lifted his brows. "What, in the leg?"

  
**Hour 6**

  
"Maybe we can catch another Wraith," Ford said from the jumpseat.

Rodney glared at him. "That's not funny."

"I kind of miss Steve." Sheppard sounded reminiscent.

"Steve who?" Rodney frowned. "Steve, the operations staff tech? What happened to him?"

"No." Sheppard gave him a patient look. "Steve the Wraith."

Rodney grimaced in disgust. "You're a very sick man. That should frighten me, but somehow I find it comforting. And that's what frightens me the most."

"We didn't mean to kill him," Sheppard protested, not convincingly.

Rodney nodded seriously. "Yes, using him in that medical experiment was a complete fluke."

Sheppard gave him the patently fake earnest look that had probably driven many past commanding officers a little closer to the edge. "He would have wanted to go out that way. You know, being useful."

Rodney sneered, "Well, one day maybe we'll capture another Wraith for you to taunt while it slowly starves to death."

Sheppard sighed. "Promises, promises."

"Steve is dead," Ford said solemnly. Then he added, "He is an ex-Wraith."

Sheppard made a noise somewhere between a snort and a cough. "Don't."

Ford was quiet for thirty seconds. Then he said, "He is a late Wraith."

Rodney added maliciously, "Maybe he's resting. Norwegian Blues stun easily."

Ford lifted his brows. "Pining. He's pining for the fjords."

"Stop," Sheppard choked.

"Bereft of life, he rests in peace," Simpson said from the back.

It went on until the jumper started increasing the oxygen mix because it thought Sheppard was asphyxiating and Teyla threatened to lock herself in the head.

  
**Hour 7**

  
Sheppard had been sleeping in the co-pilot's seat. He woke up, did some contortionist stretching maneuvers, and said, "You want a break?"

Either Rodney was getting used to the jumper, or it had finally decided that he could be in the club, too. "Not right now. I think I'm getting the hang of it."

  
**Hour 9**

  
Simpson was frowning. "Are you sure he's all right?"

"I'm sure, ma'am," Benson said, calm and laconic as he leaned back against the bench.

"He hasn't moved in eight hours," Miko pointed out, her brow furrowed.

They were staring at Garson, the other Marine, who was lying on the deck asleep, his head pillowed on his pack. Sheppard was piloting, and Rodney was taking a break in the back, stretching his legs. Staring down at Garson, Rodney could see their point. The man looked dead. Unwrapping a power bar, he said, "Actually, it's been nine hours."

Miko nodded worriedly. "That is not normal."

"Probably not, ma'am," Benson agreed. "But he's fine. See." He drew his foot back and planted his boot firmly in the other Marine's ribs.

The subsequent explosion of movement and profanity made Simpson and Miko yelp and Rodney dance hurriedly out of the way of flailing limbs.

"Hey, settle down back there." Sheppard leaned out of the pilot seat to look into the back. "Don't make me turn this thing around."

Teyla, asleep on the bench, sat up and blinked. "Are we there yet?"

It took half an hour to explain to her why everybody had laughed.

  
**Hour 10**

  
When Rodney stepped back into the cockpit, Sheppard was saying, "You can't take it personally, Teyla."

"Are you talking about me?" Rodney demanded.

Sheppard threw a power bar wrapper at him. "Yes, McKay. We have a secret code. When we say 'Bates,' 'Wraith,' or 'Surface-to-Air-Missile,' we actually mean you."

Teyla pointedly ignored the interruption. "I am not taking it personally. I am saying it is not a particularly...adult way for Sergeant Bates to behave."

Rodney threw himself down in the other jumpseat. He knew from Zelenka who had heard it from Baroukel, the scientist on Bates' recon team, who had heard it from Private Audley that apparently one of the reasons that Bates hated Teyla was because he thought Sheppard was cheating on Elizabeth with her. Ford had apparently once spent three hours with Bates on the balcony outside the mess hall on movie night, trying to convince him that Sheppard wasn't sleeping with either of them. After failing to persuade Bates of the truth, Ford had evidently decided that discretion was the better part of valor and was keeping his mouth shut about it. Rodney didn't think Sheppard or Elizabeth had a clue, and he knew if Teyla heard about it, it was going to end in Bates being murdered and Rodney getting dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to help hide the evidence.

Ford, who was pretending to be asleep in the other jumpseat, had cracked an eyelid and was now regarding Rodney worriedly. Rodney only said, "Bates hates everybody. Don't waste your energy."

**Hour 12**

  
Sheppard was doing that thing again, in the co-pilot's seat. Sitting with his right leg tucked up. It was bad enough that the man slept that way. It looked painful; if Rodney had sat or slept for any length of time like that, his spinal cord would stiffen up and snap in two. It made him wonder if Sheppard had an old back injury; presumably he had been getting attacked and crashing things with the same frequency on Earth that he did here. Rodney thought he might as well just ask, but what came out was, "What's wrong with you?"

Sheppard lifted a brow in mild surprise, then gave him the fake wounded look. Rodney knew it was fake because he had seen the real wounded look, the thousand-yard stare. Rodney snapped, "That was a rhetorical question."

Sheppard just frowned down at the crossword puzzle, now doing the thing where he stuck his tongue out in concentration. "What's a seven letter word for a Heavy metal discovered by Klaproth in 1789?"

  
**Hour 15**

  
Sheppard was piloting, everyone else was asleep, and Rodney had been kicked out of the back for pacing. Rodney could feel the planet's proximity like an itch all over his skin. He said, "Even if we found a ZPM and were able to reach Earth tomorrow, it would be too late for us. We've gone feral. And when I say we I mean mostly you. Though the rest of us did too, it just took longer. You went feral about twenty minutes after the wormhole from Earth closed. But I have this vision of myself getting back to the SGC and being unable to use a public restroom without a Marine because I've had it drilled into me on pain of screaming death not to go into a strange room in a strange place alone."

"If we get back to Earth, I'll guard you while you go to the restroom in the SGC," Sheppard said quietly. "Hey, we're almost there. Go wake the others."

Rodney stared at the viewport, swallowed hard, and nodded. "Right."

**end**


End file.
